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Are you my dad? Am I my OWN dad!? |
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WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!? WHAT DID YOU JUST DO!? |
| Warning!! Spoilers ahead!! | |
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"Immediate detention." ― Goldenhoard, to five different students on the first day of school
"I shouldn't be having a conversation alone with you in the teacher's lounge. Get the fuck outta here. Get out of here." ― Vice Principal Goldenhoard
Goldenhoard is the Vice Principal at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy.
Featured Episodes[]
| Episodes Featuring Goldenhoard |
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Fantasy High
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Fantasy High: Sophomore Year
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Description[]
He is a hulking dragonborn. He's a red-scaled anthropomorphic dragon with a long tail and big claws. He has big horns that sweep off of his head. He wears a full grey suit with a blue tie.
He is a strict disciplinarian and carries a cricket bat called 'Ole Hawthorne,' "cleaver of heinies." His gruff exterior notwithstanding, he has on several occasions gone out of his way to treat his students with kindness and compassion, though he often has trouble connecting with and relating to the student body.
History[]
The Beginning Begins[]
Vice Principal Goldenhoard is first introduced on the first day of school at Aguefort Adventuring Academy. He intervenes in the fight between Fabian Seacaster and Gorgug Thistlespring, asking them why the hell two freshmen felt the need to start a fight on the first day of school. Fabian gets defensive, Gorgug apologizes, and Goldenhoard gives them both detention.
On his way back into the teachers lounge, he spots Fig Faeth attempting to steal a ghost steak and gives her detention as well. Fig claims he's played right into her hands, and that her plan all along was to get caught and kicked out of school. He starts to explain that that's not really what detention means when he realizes that he shouldn't be having this conversation alone with her and forces her out of the room. She flirts with him on her way out, much to his dismay.
After the freshman assembly, he approaches Kristen Applebees and compliments her on the use of the Light cantrip. He notices that Adaine Abernant is looking anxious and asks if she's okay. Adaine has trouble answering, and attempts to tell him that she just 'found' the book she stole. Fig steps in to claim that Adaine's just covering for her, but Adaine quickly spills the beans, apologizing profusely. He handles the situation gently, asking Kristen to take the book to Principal Aguefort's office, and explaining to Adaine that he'll have to give her detention. He second guesses what he's doing, as it seems like Adaine's having a bad time, but sticks to it as other students are around to hear. Fig speaks up, and Goldenhoard violently denies that there is anything between them, afterwhich Fig smugly asks who's running detention.
Later, Goldenhoard is sitting in Principal Aguefort's office when Riz Gukgak picks the lock and opens the door. He issues Riz an immediate detention. Riz apologizes, steals a teabag of Aguefort's tea, and runs off with it. He manages to get the teabag to Ostentatia Wallace before Goldenhoard catches up with him to give him his detention ship. When Aguefort makes the announcement about Day of Fellowship, in which students are expected to group together in their first adventuring parties, Goldenhoard interrupts to mention that those who have detention are expected to be there instead.
He's talking to the five kids, Fabian, Gorgug, Fig, Adaine, and Riz, when Coach Daybreak declares that Kristen Applebees has 'bore false witness' and committed a cardinal sin. Goldenhoard mentions that that's technically a religious rule and not really grounds for detention, but Kristen gets her red slip anyway and joins the Bad Kids. During detention, he warns them very threateningly that their tomfoolery, jackanapery, and shenanigans present a liability to the school and cannot be allowed. He leaves them in the hands of Mr. Gibbons, the school counselor.
After the Afterlife[]
Goldenhoard is talking to several students under a statue of Arthur Aguefort when Fabian, covered head to toe in corn, approaches him. He asks Goldenhoard to follow him to the cafeteria, not bothering to wait for him or explain himself. Goldenhoard mentions that he, along with the rest of the Bad Kids should be in detention, and follows them back to the cafeteria.
He sees the aftermath of the battle and almost spews fire. The kids try their best to explain what happened, and Goldenhoard is floored as he scrambles to figure out what's going on. He makes the decision to call the police, and when the Bad Kids begin to argue about the fact that they should've just called Riz's mom first, he puts an end to it. With Mr. Gibbons dead, he calls for two teachers, Jace and Porter, to keep watch over the cafeteria as he leads the kids to an empty classroom.
Once there, he asks if they're all okay. He tells them that they did the right thing in finding an adult, and apologizes for the fact that they were part of such a traumatic event. He tells them about the first time he died, and listens to Gorgug talk about seeing Mr. Gibbons in Hell. Adaine asks him not to tell her dad, and he compromises by telling her he'll try to phrase it well. The example he uses is not a good one, as he's grieving Doreen too. He assures them that they're in good company, and lets them know that after such events, they have every right to request to be transferred.
Despite not wanting to come to school at all, now that Fig knows that something's going on, she wants to stay. Kristen also wants to stay, as her meeting with Helio left her feeling doubtful of her faith. Adaine says she'll stay because she doesn't want to go to Mumple, and the rest agree. Goldenhoard lets them all leave detention early, assuring them that while he did tell their parents some of what happened, he also has a responsibility to them, and didn't go into detail.
When he notices Riz is missing, the Bad Kids cover for him, saying that he's probably still showering. Gorgug asks Goldenhoard about a teacher being his dad: if they are, they have to tell you, right? Fig assures Gorgug that his dad will visit him at some point in a vision, which Goldenhoard mentions is an irresponsible thing to tell an adopted child. Before Gorgug can consider knocking himself out to make it happen, Goldenhoard shoos everyone home.
The next day, school starts with an outdoor assembly as a sort of funeral for Mr. Gibbons, Principal Aguefort, and Doreen. It's not a very good eulogy as Goldenhoard starts to comment on how ridiculous it is that they're still open, and Fabian thankfully starts to clap to get him to stop talking, which gives him an out. He tells the students to come talk to him (not Mr. Gibbons, as he's dead) if they need some help in this time of grief, and Fig starts a "Goldenrod" chant, which he's not happy about.
He makes some announcements: Prom King and Queen have officially been reinstated; staff positions for cafeteria worker and guidance counselor are open; and they are implementing a new surveillance system, in an effort to increase security around the school. Later, after the assembly, he catches Fig throwing clothes from the lost and found over the new dream crystal security cameras. He scolds her, saying he's had a lot of training dealing with troublesome students, but she interrupts to suggest he's attracted to her again, and he bolts.
He finds himself incessantly tormented by the flirtations of Fig, despite his best efforts to rebut her and reach out on an empathetic level.
He is also the one who hires Gilear Faeth and Jawbone as the Lunch Lad and guidance counselor respectively.
In Episode 15, we discover that Goldenhoard was secretly Kalvaxus, a dragon emperor from ancient Solace who was defeated and then bound to the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, by Arthur Aguefort, as its eternal vice principal and that the conspiracy (palimpsests, hellmouths, poison tea, KVX Bank, prom king and queen vote) was all set up by Goldenhoard in an attempt to follow a prophecy Arthur Aguefort was given that says he will break free of his binding and "the world as we know it shall perish forever". Once The Bad Kids figure this out Goldenhoard loses his disciplinarian facade and confronts The Bad Kids over the PA system. He begins saying how his race has always known that you are born alone and die alone and that adventuring parties are inherintly flawed since each individal has their own selfish wants and needs that won't always align with the rest of the group. He then sends vidoes of fires being set to each of the PC's homes in order to distract and stall them for long enough so that he can break free without interruption. At the end of the episode, The Bad Kids bust into prom right before the last step "crowning of a new king and queen" (since the monarchy dispanded when Kalvaxus was defeated) in the form of Dayne and Penelope as prom king and queen.
In Episode 16, he breaks free from his binding and unleashes into his true form and battles The Bad Kids, Ragh, Jawbone, Sklonda and Gorthalax the Insatiable. It was revealed in this episode that he is also a Libertarian.
In Episode 17, he loses the battle and gets killed by our intrepid heroes. His face is then eaten by Riz and Sklonda Gukgak to avenge the death of Pok Gukgak . Kristen Applebees then revives him, not before being tied up, and gets killed a second time by the maidens who were trapped in the palimpsests which includes Danielle, Antiope, Katya, Zelda, Penny, Sam and Ostentatia. After his death, he goes to hell and is turned into Bill Seacaster's ship so he and his crew, who have died previously, can pillage and plunder Baator, the nine hells, and ultimately kill the devil.
Quotes[]
- "This is what i'm talking about! The first time I reigned, they sent the queen and her best men. I get the fucking b-squad! I get the loser patrol! Give me a break!" - Goldenhoard after becoming Kalvaxus
Trivia[]
- When he learns that Kristen and Gorgug both died in battle, he tells them about the first time he "died" and came back to life. He describes an endless plane of gold that he was swimming in, and the platinum dragon, Bahamut, soaring overhead, saying "You've been good, Goldenhoard, you have as many coins as you want!". He starts to tear up as he mentions his mother, but this is most likely a lie, as Goldenhoard later turns out to be Kalvaxus. This is a matter of some dispute however, as it is entirely possible that Goldenhoard first died before he became an evil dragon emperor. Who knows really, its a relatively insignificant detail.
- His mini was sold as part of the Dimension 20 Fantasy High Freshman Year Auction for $3,334.33