"Folks, if the game seems rigged, just quit and start your own game and rig that!" ― Brennan Lee Mulligan
The House Always Wins is the fourteenth episode of season 13, A Starstruck Odyssey.
Intro[]
"Last we left off, our intrepid heroes were in the midst of the Battle of the Brands at the Kubla-Cola Gladiatorial Arena here in Mas Vegas, Lavada. We were confronted upon our arrival in Mas Vegas with the most intense gearing-up I've ever seen PCs preparing for a fight, as well as a sudden discovery of 12 seemingly very well-versed in the tenets of the Cosmic Veil women on vacation here in Mas Vegas, Lavada. And then the fight commenced between the different brand champions. Representing the Acme-Ashmun Corporation, the Gunner Channel, their new champions, making an appeal to the proldier lifestyle so common these days in AnarchEra in the wide, wide galaxy. We also met the Triangle Mint Plinth. Go Plinth! The Plinth was destroyed along with Brobbin Bunny and Smaggy Squirrel, the representatives of Uncle Bob's Fantanimalland, leaving us staring down the Korncake construct from Kansas, Amercadia. Brutus! Brutus, high up in hit points, with a chance of recharging his terrible venomous breath weapon on his turn…
"Gang, we dive right back in! Over the comms: 'well, well, well! We've still got a fight on our hands, folks.' Everybody, strap in. It's gonna be a bumpy ride."
Synopsis[]
The Gunner Channel eventually succeed in the battle of the brands finally defeating Brutus.
As a decoy Wurst departs they discuss options with their sponsors at an afterparty. To avoid having to deal with Repo Reapers in person they agree to take ¤200k of the prize money as an 'advance' while Acme-Ashmun attempt to buy back and settle Gunnie's debts which will hopefully be around ¤400k at wholesale rates. They also individually receive their ¤10k signing bonuses. They agree to go to a Acme-Ashmun ship nursery on Onolo Dos for upgrades with branded shields.
Before leaving the hotel Skip and eventually the whole crew corner the Nuns of the Cosmic Veil that Norman Takamori had allegedly killed. They say that they had faked their own death as a way of making off with the Borinyum Krystals replacing them with a suitable mass of egg substitute that was inedible anyway due to having goo on it. Despite all the money made selling the Krystals the nuns are now in debt as a result of their ludicrously luxurious stay in Más Vegas and agree to take ¤50k in exchange for admitting that they are still alive.
While docked in Mas Vegas the Wurst's onboard casino does incredibly well earning ¤15k and acquiring a permanent gambler (Bambi Leroux). They now have a Gold level Jib-Job space.
Skip describes the The Great Emhatchanning to the crew. It will be a step forward evolutionarily with all the cerebroslugs and their hosts melting down into a 'soup' that will allow them to borrow traits from their hosts. The Great Egg will be created as part of the Emhatchenning. The influx of people to Rubian V might indicate that it is the venue for the Emhatchenning with the slugs aiming to take over the Princeps and Gnosis.
They arrive in orbit around Onolos Dos to start upgrades to their shields which will:
- Halve energy damage
- give resistance to kinetic damage
- let the ship use reactions to return fire
As they arrive on the planets surface by other means Margaret's poor job at masking their communications with Auma Liu means they are met by Lucienne and a host of UFTP soldiers.
Locations[]
- Más Vegas
- Onlos Dos
Characters[]
Players[]
New[]
- Cornelius Ashmun
- Galactic Girl Guides
- Bambi Leroux
Returning[]
- Aurora Nebbins
- Handy Annie
- Brutus
- Zeke Donaldson Quark
- Jimmy the Snout
- Chip Hatwell
- Dora Valentine
- Princeps Zortch
- Raymond Zam
- Sadie Zeb
- Lucienne Rex
- Barry Nyne
Mentioned[]
- Plinth
- Fantanimals
- Myalor Nabthacks
- Gnosis
- Auma Liu
- Professor Erwin Rashbax
- Dr. Jeffery Miggles
- Gust Weatherall
- King Prilbus
- Seneschal Vrong