Yonder Where the Fruit Do Be Lyin' is the third episode of season 16 of Dimension 20, The Ravening War.
The conspirators prepare for an ambush, with no idea who it is they're targeting.
Introduction[]
As we come back into the land of Calorum, you have been sent by the Architects to deal with what appears to be a problematic political figure who is carrying information that could undo the plans they've set. Heading down from the Ceresian direction along the Glucian Road, you know that they are to travel here, and an ambush is to be set. You've been given and additional kind of a warrior/protector/guide/chaperone, and guided you to this particular place on the road just north of the nearest crossroads where, as you look upon this space after setting aside your rides, you see large blueberry tress that emerge from the strawberry grasses that spread across the various fruit hills surrounding you. Large, rotund oranges looking juicy as the peel ripen and pull back. All manner of beautiful Fructeran landscape before you as a grape juice river carves through the center of the field, a singular root-stone bridge reaching over the top and to the other side: a fantasic pincer ambush point, as Quichéi reminds you, "We've got about a day to make this work, so let's figure out what we wanna do. Show me. Show me what you've got."
Synopsis[]
Darren “Dishless” Quichéi turns to the group asking them what they have planned for the ambush. The Scrumptious Scoundrels set to work to figure out good plans to attack from, with Dishless stating that the envoy is coming by in a "fruity" carriage. Bishop Raphaniel Charlock suggests that, since the carriage probably is reinforced, that it would probably be best to create a diversion to get the people to leave the safety of their envoy before the attack. Thane Delissandro Katzon comes up with the plan to have one of the nearby blueberry trees cut down, to drop across the road blocking the envoy's path and making them easy targets to attack from a distance. The bishop then adds, if there is a scout that travels ahead, they need to be dispatched quickly. Quichéi adds even still that they can also have a scout in the other direction who would then relay back to the group the nature of the caravan, a job Colin Provolone takes on with Karna Solara as back up. She initially offers Colin the watersteel dagger as well, but he refuses, preferring to use his own sword. So plan in hand, Deli and Dishless begin by cutting down the aforementioned tree, leaning it against another to be toppled over when ready. Karna and Lady Amangeaux Epicée du Peche set to work carving out some of the hills in hopes that the instability will cause the oranges within them to avalanche if necessary. Raphaniel finds out that the blueberries are load bearing, and often used for construction, meaning they can be used as projectiles from the top of the hills as well. Meanwhile, Colin just covers himself with the blueberries for no particular reason. As night falls and the final preparations are made, Karna reveals to everyone her powers of telepathy (to be able to communicate discreetly) by talking into Deli's mind, much to everyone's initial confusion.
Riding his starfruit ahead, Colin makes his way half a mile up the Glucian Road to scout. An hour and fifteen minutes later, the shadow of something coming begins to reveal itself to Provolone: an oblong watermelon carriage led by pairs of cherries with two riders holding their reins. With this information, Colin returns to the group to ready their attack, and, after revealing this information, takes up position at the loosened orange at the top of one the hills alongside Amangeaux and Charlock. Karna then casts Silence centered on the bridge where the attack is intended to take place. When the carriage gets within range, Amangeaux, at the top of the hill, uses her magic ring to discover who's inside the carriage. There are five figures within the carriage's interior. Four are heavily armoured, one bigger than the rest, and a fifth cloaked figure sits in the back that the others are guarding.
The party then begins to carry out their plan with the thane and the mercenary pushing their prepped blueberry tree across the rows of cherry mounts at the bridge, smashing the first two. The first attack comes from Darren as he slashes at one of the watermelon's drivers. The bishop then secretly casts Shatter on the sloping side of the hill causing the orange at top to roll down into the road, blocking the carriage's exit, trapping it on the bridge. With his orange gone, Colin down to one of the drivers, and slices at him with his sword: a rusty, disgusting, "wicked"-looking blade before running to safety. Meanwhile, Karna, able to see the other driver signaling the passengers, tells her crew that they are waving for backup, before hitting the aforesaid driver with Eldritch Blast.
It is at this moment that a small boat floats down the grape river, rowed by a random passerby, a man that the group knows that need to take out. ("No witnesses.") At this moment, a heavily armored spear guardian gummi bear exits the watermelon, revealing to the group that the envoy is made up of Candians. The gummi bear then shoots at Karna with a crossbow, hitting her in the shoulder. At this point, the driver who was waving to the carriage attempts to push the watermelon back off the bridge the way it came. Deli, jumping over the cherries, comes up to the man, and shoves him into the grape river beneath, the banana man on the river noticing him splash behind him. The remaining people within the carriage begin to shoot arrows from their crossbows, hitting Karna in the other shoulder, and just missing Amangeaux. The former queen shoots at the other driver with her own crossbow, delivering the killing bow. However, this knocks him off the bridge, right next to the small boat, panicking the rowing banana. Not for long, though, as Provolone leaps onto the back of the boat and cuts off the man's head. He then takes the lantern at the front of the boat, and gets back to the bridge and the fight.
Meanwhile, Raphaniel Charlock, chases after the running woman. However, "like a delusional Mary Poppins," he ends up faceplanting on the street below. At this moment, the remaining driver, revealed to be made of rock candy, makes his way out of the grape juice river, and, with a nod from the gummi bear, makes his way to where Karna is located. More interested in the people in the watermelon, Karna drops the spell of silence to become invisible, and, after intimidating the man, goes towards the carriage. The spear guardian also charges, but towards the fallen orange, moving it towards Raphaniel. However, Lady Amangeaux is able to use Silvery Barbs, stopping the orange right in front of the bishop's face. This gets the gummi bear's attention, and puts her on his radar.
While all this is happening, Deli also decides to charge, heading into the carriage. Inside, he is finally able to see his target: the Queen of Candia, Pamelia Rocks. As well as pushing one of the knights through the carriage wall onto the street, he repeatedly stabs the monarch with his spear. Soaked with blood, Pamela recognizes her attacker, asking him why he would do this to her. He replies, "Destiny has been designed," before leaving the watermelon, the guards attacking him as he goes. Though deeply wounded, the Queen is able to respond, "Destiny does not remember those who kill the righteous well." Deli continues to fight with the guard he pushed outside, while Dishless then enters the watermelon carriage, and deeply wounds the waffle cone guard within.
Back at Charlock, while the orange is blocking his path, he is able to hear the commotion from within the carriage. He targets a window of the watermelon, casting a subtle and unseen Shatter spell to hit everyone within it (though it also hits Provolone who is right next to the carriage). The thunder energy explosion that hits the inside destroys the wounded waffle cone knight, and, far more importantly, kills their target: Pamelia Rocks. Raphaniel Charlock has always been haunted by graphic violent images and powers, powers he never felt the need to question. Tapping into this darkness, as he casts the spell, he uses his telepathy to look within the carriage, and sees, not the Ceresians he expected, but the Queen of Candia; a woman who mocked and humiliated him at the fated Festival of St. Eggamere, and whose political resistance he loathed. At this moment, he knows he has been played, realizing that, if the Queen of Candia is murdered on the Glucian Road, he is responsible to all of what is to come. In this moment, his worst fears come to life knowing that he has been a pawn and a fool, and that everything is spilling away from him too fast. Haunted by images and sounds of viscera and whirring blades, Lady Amangeaux reaches the distraught bishop, who merely whispers, "Not like this. Not like this. What have we done?"
Their queen dead, the remaining Candians begin to panic. Colin helps out Delissandro with the chocolate knight, pushing him into the grape juice river. As he tries to climb into the dead banana's boat, Dishless leaps down, breaking the knight's arm before stabbing him to death in the water. The mercenary then pulls the body back onto the boat, stating, "It's important to send a message." Deli goes back inside the watermelon, and kills the final member of the Candian guard, asking, "For what queen do you stand for now?", the butterscotch knight dying on the end of his spear. The rock candy driver who initially rushed at Karna tries to run back to the envoy. However, coming out of invisibility, Karna attacks him with her psychic Reaper dagger, ultimately stabbing him to death. Furthermore, she holds him as the life leaves his body causing the ever present hunger in her belly to subside. She then starts towards the gummi bear, goading him with the watersteel dagger. With a determination of a soldier about to head into his demise, the stoic spear guardian says, "I follow my queen," and charges at Raphaniel ie the easier target, with his spear. While he misses, the bear then stares at Charlock, proclaiming, "You'll burn in Its belly for everything you've done here." Telepathically, the radish replies, "We're all headed there one day." Knowing he has been completely defeated, the knight kneels, and says his last words to Solara, "Finish it. I'll see you in the flames." The pepper replies, "We were always headed there. We were made in His image. Tell Him I'm coming." She then cups the knight's face, and, in an opening in his armor, gently stabs him in the heart with the watersteel dagger. As his body falls to the ground, she muses, "You died for nothing."
Their task completed, Bishop Raphaniel confronts Quichéi, demanding to know if the Fellowship knew that the target within the envoy would be Queen Pamela Rocks, pointing out that she is a sovereign ruler of the only neutral nation of the Ravening War. Upon this realization, the rest of the party is able to digest the gravity of what they've just done in various degrees of shock and bitter acceptance, Colin remarking that no secret was worth what they just did. At the sound of animal hooves up the road, Lady de Peche tells the band that they need to leave, to which the group heads up towards a crevasse away from detection, though able to hear the panicked screams from those whom had found the massacre they had left. While catching their breath, there is a russle in the bushes. Without thinking, Amangeaux shoots her crossbow into the leaves. It misses, and a humanoid figure begins to run away towards the far end of the crevasse. Karna is able to hit them with a few Eldritch Blasts, knocking them to the ground. Crawling away, the team is able to glance at who this person is. Among their many strange attributes, they wear a skull mask, though now cracked and pulled off revealing a face unlike any they had never seen. Karna Solara yells into it's mind, demanding to know what they are. The person doesn't reply in words, but in images and emotions: fear, worries, and apologies, stating that it shouldn't be here. Karna then messages to Deli that he should kill it, which he dutifully does. Lifting the being up with his weapon, the mouthless creature releases a cloud of spores. It's last thoughts, which Deli can now also hear, is the word, "Why?" before going limp. Able to see it clearly, Deli is able to recognize what the creature is: a being made of fungus and mold.
Mold is a natural part of life, but it is also toxic and dangerous, usually shunned and buried beneath the surface of Calorum. Though he is not able to understand what this being is, Charlock realizes the direction the mold was going in. Intreged by the impossibility of this being, Darren leaves, despite the gang's protests, towards that direction.
Along with Provolone and Katzon, the three make their way to the entrance of a cavern. While dark, there appears to be a faint glow coming from inside. Colin stays behind, untrusting of what the three of them might do to those within. Dishless and Deli enter, traversing the cavern as it descends deeper and deeper into the ground, the increasing glow coming from veins of mycelium within the rock. Delissandro reaches out and touches one of the veins, and his is overwhelmed by a collective sense of warm emotions and messages from the people there bidding him welcome, and it scares him. While wanting to go further, the two agree that they should head back. However, they will remember where this place is for later exploration. No back at camp, Lady Amangeaux looks through the satchel the being was carrying, and finds nothing but scavenged rotted food, bone, and rinds. Dishless wraps the body of the mold man in his cloak, creating a bundle and, with the others, heads out.
Before they go, however, Raphaniel asks in Deli's mind what he saw when he touched the mycelium. Deli replies, "The heart of the world welcoming me. I did not like it." Charlock responds, "I'm beginning to feel that we are being used, and not in a manner as simple and crass as being blackmailed." No longer being subtle, the radish casts Detect Thoughts, and touches the wall himself. He too is overwhelmed by the sense of connection that he feels by the mycelium, his consciousness pulled into this endless network that draws through all the deep ground of Calorum. Images of caves, homesteads, and odd families that live below fill his mind, a culture beyond his understanding of it. Then, for a moment, he feels this large, pulsing mass in the center, and the feeling of welcome: the heart of the world. Raphaniel asks it, "Can the blades find me here?", though it does not understand. The bishop suddenly feels shame, an alien feeling to him, causing him to release his hand on the wall, and collapses. The gang then heads back to their tethered starfruit mounts, and, with their minds heavy, ride back to Comida.
When they arrive, Dishless leads them back to the Great Pyramid of Food, summoning the Architects as they arrive, and telling them of their victorious mission. Angrily, Lady du Peche demands why the target was Queen Rocks, Karna reminding them that they promised the group answers. One of the Architects explains that, while tragic, the queen's death was necessary to ultimately save the lives of the many, adding that they are of the "Sanctus Putris." They know the clarity of the Prophidian Theodicy, as well as the shadow that grows outside of the Bulb's light. They go on to explain that, in times of peace, Calorum prospers, becoming an increasingly enticing meal for the ever-craving Hungry One. They then reveal the name of a hidden scripture, The Festered Tome, that holds the truth which will save them all: The Hungry One will not eat that which is soiled, so only through turmoil and war will He be kept at bay. Therefore the Queen's death will save all of Calorum for many years to come.
The person speaking then steps forward and removes their mask, revealing to the band that they are none other than Archbishop Camille Colliflour, Primogen of the Bulbian Church. She then tells them that, if the Fellowship ever needs them again, the group will be summoned, something Lady Amangeaux protests, decrying a world of death and rot. Pleading, she asks why it has to be them to do these things. Colliflour simply replies that they, like the Architects, are people who have the ability to do what must be done and the shame to keep it secret, but knowing the alternative is eternal damnation. They create destruction, not because they want to, but to create balance and alleviate everyone from oblivion. However, she does add that, if they want to end their arrangement with the FDA, they can be absolved of their agreement, having done some much already. Finished with what she has to say, the other Architects walk past them, Quichéi following. As he goes, he begins to tell them of the "something weird" the gang had found.
As the members leave, Deli catches something in the air: an all-too-familiar perfume of oats and caramel.Outro[]
Words of Queen Pamela Rocks' death shakes the stillness of these lands, pushing Candia to formally declare war, and join their Dairy Island allies in the fight against Ceresia, Fructera, and the Meat Lands. In the years that follow, may heroes rise and many martyrs fall. The Ravening War takes it toll on everyone, darkening the six kingdoms in the blood of the innocent and the cruel. In the years that follow, this unlikely troop, plucked and bruised by circumstance and destiny, will be changed as well, for the final chapters of the war have yet to be written.
Timeline & Locations within Calorum[]
Timeline[]
- 9th & 10th days of Frostdusk, in the year of the Bulb 1190
- The assassination of Queen Pamelia Rocks of Candia.
Fructera[]
- Comida
- Glucian Road (just north of the crossroads with the Frucian Road)
- Cave into Saprophus*
Saprophus[]
- *Location is not named in the episode.
Featured Characters[]
The Scrumptious Scoundrels[]
- Lady Amangeaux Epicée du Peche
- Skáld Colin Provolone
- Thane Delissandro Katzon
- Karna Solara
- Bishop Raphaniel Charlock
New[]
- unnamed banana boatman (†)
- unnamed butterscotch guard (†)
- unnamed Candian carriage driver (†)
- unnamed chocolate guard (†)
- unnamed grape gummi bear spear guardian (†)
- unnamed rock candy carriage driver (†)
- unnamed mold person (†)
- unnamed waffle cone guard (†)
Returning[]
- Senator Ariana Gemelli (implied)
- Archbishop Camille Colliflour
- Darren “Dishless” Quichéi
- Queen Pamelia Rocks (†)
Trivia[]
- This is the only episode in the campaign where the Box of Doom is used.
Quotes[]
- "Destiny has been designed." - Thane Delissandro Katzon